Boundaries, Maintaining Spaciousness, and The Power of Saying NO

I’ve called up all my friends all over the world to check in on them and have heard a similar theme. No matter how strange this situation is or how afraid they are, one thing they all have in common is that they are grateful for the newfound space in their lives.

One of my friends is considering taking her kids out of sports when school starts back up. She’s realized that the family time is more important than running around from work to school to sports to shower, dinner, and bedtime. For the first time ever, she said her schedule is so calm. Yes, she is working from home. Yes, she is homeschooling her kids and dealing with all the challenges that presents. Yes, she’s taking them on bike rides or walks everyday. Yes, she misses my like crazy 😉

One of my colleagues is just so pleased that there is less distraction.

One of my family members is happy that the projects around the yard and house are caught-up and that he doesn’t have to be anywhere at any particular time.

And me? I am thrilled to have this space. I think part of that is that I work from home and I’m lucky to be set up for this situation with no changes necessary. I love not feeling like I’m constantly missing out on everything. I love being able to design my days without the stress of other obligations. It’s made me realize how much everyone is constantly running around. This looks much more like it did when I was growing up. And it makes me wonder what growing up for my parents was like. There’s constant bombardment of information. We know what’s happening in Japan in an instant because of the interwebs. Sometimes, I think all of this constant going and communication overload and patterns of overcommitment is part of what is stressing people out all the time.

THE POWER OF NO

I want you to really look at the differences in your life at this time and ask yourself what is working? What do you like better? What needs to stay?

If you are going to continue to create the space for you, your health, your creativity, your parasympathetic response…you’re going to HAVE TO LEARN TO SAY NO to more stuff.

It’s that simple.

It means saying ‘no' to: 

• Buying more useless crap
• Getting further into debt
• Caring about “keeping up with the Jones’s”
• Always feeling like there’s more that you’re missing out on
• Other people having the answers that are inside of you
• Focusing on things that are not in your top 5 priorities
• Self-Deprecation
• Eating out because you haven’t scheduled or prioritized healthy eating
• Skipping self-care

And saying ‘yes' to: 

• Being grateful for your life as it is
• Nurturing your top 5 priorities
• Knowing that you have enough
• Saving your money
• Knowing you’re in the right place at the right time
• Self-compassion
• Internal guidance
• Making your own food (possibly even growing it)
• Owning your calendar and mapping out your chunks of time for self-care

SETTING NEW BOUNDARIES

I can’t stop thinking about this because every time I take a walk in my neighborhood, I’m blown away by the sheer number of people sitting on their porches. I used to think that people didn’t do that anymore because of their phones, but everyone still has their phones. It appears that people weren’t sitting on their porches because they were overcommitted and didn’t have the time.

When you look at the human nervous system, you learn that we need down time. We need chill time. Do nothing time. We have that right now. Use it.

And the people that are relishing in it are those who have done the emotional and mental work it takes to utilize it instead of spinning out of control into binge eating or laziness.

FULL LIFE VERSUS ‘BUSY' LIFE

Deep down everyone has been wanting a break like this for a long while.

We run ourselves ragged with things to do, people to see, and obligations to fulfill.

It’s time to take control of our calendars, our schedules. It’s time to learn boundaries. It’s time to learn how to say no.

Nature abhors a vacuum. If you just expect the space to stay, you’re in for a surprise. You have to hold that space. You have to intend to keep that space. You have to build the strong internal boundaries necessary to maintain that space. You have to start doing this now if you want to succeed at it.

My life is full each day working on projects, working with my health clients, fermentation clients, and business clients. Reaching out to my friends and family. I am building a garden. I am remodeling my house. I play guitar, sing, play viola, paint, and write notes to my friends and family. I run, walk, and ride my bikes. I make all my meals. I sleep 9-10 hours a night. I’m not stressed. I’m not freaking out. That’s because I’ve carved out a life for myself that is reasonable, that makes sense. I’ve stopped caring what other people think of me (mostly) and just focused on what makes me happy. I’ve gotten clear about my top 5 priorities. If you want me to share those and how I figured that out, comment down below and we will see if anyone is interested. If so, I’ll write that out in another post.

My life is full, but it isn’t ‘busy.’ There’s a HUGE difference.

I hope this inspires you to think about your life and how you want to create it. You are in charge of that, you know? I used to think that someone else was going to fix my life for me. Once I got clear that I’m here because of every decision I make, I started making a new kind of decision.

Seriously, when I look at my life with gratitude for what I have, things work better. When I stopped trying to live in a mansion or drive a fancy car, all of the sudden everything changed. When I built the internal confidence to drive around in an older car and not care what that means or says about me, I became free from having to work harder to pay off that debt. I started realizing that I have enough. The more I focus on that, strangely, the more my wealth grows. Probably because I’m not spending it all on useless crap anymore. I’m not spending it on things to numb me out or make me feel better about myself or try to prove something to other people. I say no all day everyday to almost everything. I say yes only to the things that will further my top 5 priorities. And with this laser focused mentality, I have said goodbye to an unfulfilled life.

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